Conquering Doubt: Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

Photo by Олег Мороз on Unsplash

Ah, that old voice singing its nasty tunes in my head again! Do shut up, will you?

That’s one way to deal with the noise that keeps popping up. Perhaps there should be a better way.

The noise

I’d like to think, and I know in fact, that I’m not the only person on this planet who has a conversation going on in their minds. You know; about the way I could have done things better or whether I should be trusted with certain things. After all, am I even the right person for this? Whatever that is. The imposter is rearing its ugly head.

Conversations can get louder sometimes when it involves many people speaking altogether. It will usually resolve naturally or by people around you pointing out that you should keep it down a bit. What do you do when the conversing parties are all you? It starts to feel like a noise, doesn’t it?

If the voice in my head is calm, and I feel secure about the decision I’m about to make or the action I’m about to take, then the conversation is actually pleasant and more than welcome. In fact, I think it’s also healthy since I’m not in some automatic mode. It’s reassuring that I am mindful and pay attention to what I’m doing.

However, at times, the voice starts to feel more like a noise, and it feels chaotic, the more I feel uncertain about myself. Then, putting a label on it is the next course of action. Surely, I must be an imposter. There, I’ve just made it personal.

Why then, sometimes, the voice is calm and doesn’t transform into noise? How can I paint myself as an imposter at times, and then be perfectly at peace otherwise? What gives?

Degrees of uncertainty

Let me unravel the part that feels personal and handle this beast with the hope that I’ll reduce my bias since it already feels cyclical that I’m talking about dealing with imposter syndrome while doubting if I have all the information.

How can one be objective about whether they are an imposter or not?

That right there, I believe, is the gist of it.

Get a grip

We tend to deal with the physical aspects of life a lot easier than we do with abstract notions. Quantifiable and perceivable is what we like to see when we want to measure progress or find out if there are shortcomings.

Did you score high on that last exam? Good for you!

Is the fuel tank full in your car before you go out on a trip? Yes or no, and it’s as simple as that.

Getting a grip on reality is a lot harder when the stuff you are working with is personal to you and oftentimes invisible to other people around you. So, it might also be hard to air your frustrations and get the help you need. Although what you are thinking feels real enough, bias kicks in. You become the judge, the prosecutor and everything else on things that are not always easy to measure.

Eventually, I’ve noticed that the more I lose grip on things and the more I’m uncertain of the moving parts of the thing that is in the center of attention, the stronger I hear the noise. Uncertainty grows. Insecurity kicks in. Self-labelling and picking awful adjectives for myself is the cherry on top.

It just doesn’t feel nice though, but what is there to do?

Hello, my name is Doubt

So, if making it personal feels yucky, but I also need a way out in the form of soothing the loud voice in my mind, where can I turn to? The answer is ironically what’s been bothering me all this time. Doubt itself.

Would you rather make all your decisions without a doubt all the time and never question, not even a single time, whether you have made the right call? How can you be so sure? A bit of doubt is useful. The opposite is foolhardy.

Conversely, when you doubt yourself every step of the way, you’ll keep undoing your efforts, and undermine yourself. Worse, it may even be a non-starter and paralyzing. Having too much doubt seems to be our enemy at this point, not the lack of it.

Having just enough doubt is healthy. You keep your wits, and when you make a decision, it’ll feel like you own it.

What feeds doubt

Doubt is fed when you are kept away from the information or the resources you need. It’s easier to notice it when it originates externally. You develop trust issues with other people, organizations, authorities, etc. You doubt their sincerity, reliability, effectiveness, etc.

When it occurs internally, your mind is screaming at you because it’s clouded by too much doubt. Then, you feel like an imposter. It’s an extraordinarily useful early warning system. Recognizing this will be the most important step towards forming a better relationship with yourself.

Confidence vs doubt

A lack of confidence is not necessarily a trigger for doubt. You may have some confidence in yourself and other things, and losing some of it will not be a total disaster. However, I believe, too much doubt will result in a lack of confidence.

Therefore, to deal with your doubts, you don’t fight the doubt itself. Not directly anyway. You may want to strengthen your hand by following a different approach.

Inoculation

You need to build up your immunity. So, doubt doesn’t flourish. At least, to the extent that it overwhelms you. Remember, some doubt is good. We just don’t want too much of it or in an untimely manner.

Luckily, immunizing yourself comes in many forms, and you are free to choose whatever works for you.

Cold turkey

You may decide to go at it at full speed and do it anyway. Fumble first, then humble yourself. Pick up the pieces. Reevaluate, and go at it again. This is usually the least used method. It’s more like exposing yourself to the disease. Not exactly a comfortable way to inoculate yourself. Let’s see a gentler way.

Humble beginnings

More than half the population has a fear of public speaking. For some, this fear is stronger than the fear of death. Odd, isn’t it?

So, I’ll pick that as an example. If public speech is one of your goals or something you are asked to do as part of your job, but you are dreading it, then it might be the perfect test case for which you can practice and build your confidence.

Do you remember what feeds doubt? Information, or not enough of it.

The audience will be there to listen to your expertise on the topic you are presenting. So, knowing what you are going to talk about is the primary goal. If you have no worries about this, then kudos! A big item on your checklist is crossed off.

Body language is another factor. When your chest is out, and your lungs are filled with oxygen, with a slightly lifted chin facing the audience; you are arming yourself with the right tools. Imagine the opposite. If your body is folding on itself, it’ll be harder to make the right intonation and keep the level of sound necessary to deliver the content.

In both of these depictions of the body, try to focus on your posture and don’t include the speaking part yet. So, just practice the parts that are pertinent to how you stand, move around, and use your hands. Not a single word out of your mouth. Use a mirror if you need instant feedback.

Divide and conquer

Remember, we are inoculating. Step by step. Only you’ll know what type of information you need more. So, dissect the big beast and tackle it at your own pace.

Try to get information about the venue, the stage, the audio-video equipment, the target audience; anything you can confirm.

If you’ll be using the public transit system to head to the venue where you’ll give your speech, and this in and of itself will frustrate you, figure out a way to reduce your stress level. Imagine how you can reach the venue with the least amount of fuss. Prepare yourself and improve the situation in your favour.

Then, eventually, you’ll notice that you are making progress in areas where you didn’t feel strong initially. There will come a point that with better information management, you are putting all the separate pieces together to build your case and increase confidence.

An egg with a smiley face painted on it.
Photo by Олег Мороз on Unsplash

Conclusion

In this article, I wanted to share with you some of the ways I thought might be helpful if and when self-compassion feels hard to practice to fight off your inner demons. So, things don’t turn into a shouting game in your mind.

In one short sentence, I would like to define the imposter syndrome as an indicator, like a gauge, that highlights my level of doubt in my skills, tools, behaviours, etc.

In the end, I’m learning to treat doubt as my friend. Too little of it, I’ll be a fool. Too much of it, I can’t function. A healthy dose of it is good, and all it needs is information.

Now, go forth and inform yourself.


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